Since this hase been such an impersonal blog, i decided to lighten it up a bit and be a wee bit impersonal...
Me, what about me, i dont think that i should write it here cuz that's just lame. Infact for the longest time i thought that to do that is the lamest thing to do..
i still believe in it...
so by circular reference, im terribly lame myself... but anyway i'll try to write it often too often...
BAH...
4 comments:
When I read your post, I had to make the supremest of efforts to keep myself from replying instantly, for fear of seeming patronizing in every medium of expression that you choose.
Thinking over my decision to remain a silent observer, I realized that my reasons to not speak could be very similar to your choice of words in the blog.
The fact that we (not you or I personally) tend to back track on our words in blogs or online posts is the thought at the back of our heads that someone may actually be reading what we're writing and so we need to sound coherent to a certain degree.
So we think of staying on the topic and inadvertantly betray the initial idea of thinking out loud because thoughts are untamed and know no limits.
I think the best piece of free verse that I may have ever written was way back in 1995 when I jotted down all the thoughts that came to mind while I lay on the grass and looked up at the clouds. Remind me to read it out or send it to you one of these days.
Whoa. Did you see that? Somewhere along the line, I jumped from sounding formal, to sounding sensible to plain speaking to you. I guess addressing you is the closest I can get to thinking out loud carelessly.
I felt that maintaining journals were for those who didn't have the courage to self-reflect without them, or those who may have many friends, but very few with whom they could speak as freely. I even thought that those who cannot speak out to God for fear that they may come to realizations that they may not be able to handle pour themselves out on paper or the keyboard.
Well, alhamdo lillah I've already comfortably established that when I need to speak out my mind without getting wary of being misunderstood I can speak to you. And well, Lima, Zairah, Maryam, Jehan, Shanu, Rabia, Fizza and even Emma.
But my relationship with Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala is entirely different. I can speak to Him of my sins and ask him for forgiveness. I cannot even begin to explain what is upsetting me without having told Him first. It just doesn't happen. There is None Unto Like Him. If I were to speak to anyone of my sins I fear not being forgiven or my heart being desensitized after having to mention it casually to others. So that's simply not an option.
Just thought of something... look at the month of May 2005 and read the text there. Am thinking of that right now.
So I've told you the reason why I don't feel lame or foolish: it's because I am either unaware of who reads this, or in your case, completely comfortable.
And I need not go back on my word. It's just you.
You're not lame, nor are you foolish. Like Muhammad Asad said in "Islam at the Crossroads" na, we needn't and shouldn't feel apologetic for all that we believe in just because the people around us don't.
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